Donald Trump has done it again. Conjured a headline so outrageous it sounds like it was written by The Onion (America’s attempt at Private Eye) – only for it to be solemnly reported by real journalists. This week, the President turned full pageant monarchist, declaring he’d be “happy” for the United States to join the Commonwealth – if, of course, King Charles would do him the honour of asking nicely.
You can’t make this stuff up. And yet … he can.
Yes, the man whose ancestors once fled monarchical rule for powdered wigs and tax-free tea is now floating a re-entry into the Empire’s retirement club. The Commonwealth – that curious British invention somewhere between a diplomatic trust fund and a glorified WhatsApp group – could now, potentially, include the United States. Because what is foreign policy in 2025 if not reality television with nuclear codes?
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about geopolitics. This is about optics. Trump sees the Commonwealth as one thing – a stage. With a sceptre in one hand and a red cap in the other, he imagines standing beside King Charles at the next CHOGM (Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting), flanked by flags and fondue. The photo ops alone could fund his next campaign.
“Make the Commonwealth Great Again,” he might say, mispronouncing “Barbados” and offering Australia a trade deal in exchange for Melania-themed postage stamps.
But the brilliance – or madness – of it is this: it’s a move so deliberately unserious, it just might cut through. At a time when American soft power is fraying and British ceremonial clout is all that’s left, Trump’s proposal taps into something potent: nostalgia. For flags. For crowns. For a world where empires were “great” and nobody asked questions about climate change or cultural sensitivity.
Of course, the Commonwealth isn’t a monarchy. It’s a post-colonial club held together with ribbon and sentiment. The idea of admitting the US – the very nation that left the British Empire with muskets blazing – is historically ludicrous.
But then again, until not so long ago, so was the notion of a President Trump.
So will it happen? Of course not. But will it dominate headlines, rile pundits and send Buckingham Palace into a quiet panic over protocol? Absolutely.
And in the end, isn’t that the point?
